Agony Abbott

0 Posted by - 30/08/2015 - Creative Writing, Features

Curated by Max Stainkamph | @maxstainkamph

Prime Minister and Minister for Chicks, Tony Abbott, stopped by. We showered afterwards.

Mr Prime Minister, I’ve had an unexpected pregnancy. I don’t want this to disrupt my study, and have it drastically alter the rest of my life. What do you think my partner and I should do? – Jo Hodge, Footscray.

‘The problem with the Australian practice of abortion is that an objectively grave matter has been reduced to a question of the mother’s convenience… Abortion is the easy way out’

Mr Abbott, I’m one of the few girls doing construction management in my year. How do you think we should raise female representation in fields dominated by guys? – Allison Douglas

‘I think it would be folly to expect that women will ever dominate or even approach equal representation in a large number of areas simply because their aptitudes, abilities and interests are different for physiological reasons’

Prime Minister, what’s the best way to tell my boyfriend I don’t want to have sex as often as he does? – Joyce Lee

‘I think there does need to be give and take on both sides, and this idea that sex is kind of a woman’s right to absolutely withhold, just as the idea that sex is a man’s right to demand I think they are both they both need to be moderated, so to speak’

Tony, I’m living with some girlfriends in South Yarra and we are really struggle with rent. Can you do anything to help lower the cost of living? – Rachel Matheney

‘What the housewives of Australia need to understand as they do the ironing is that if they get it done commercially it’s going to go up in price, and their own power bills when they switch the iron on are going to go up, every year…’

Mr Abbott, I’ve had trouble looking for a girlfriend in recent years as I can’t find the right person. What do you look for in a woman? – David Panthi

‘A little bit of sex appeal’

Hey Tone-Dawg, I was wondering how you explained the lack of women in your cabinet. – Sam O’Connor

‘There’s an assumption that’s a bad thing. I am disappointed there are not at least two women in cabinet’

 Yo Tone, my boss is an arse. He keeps shouting at me and putting me on bad shifts and being misogynistic. I can’t quit because I need the money. What can I do? – Ally Hornbett

‘If we’re honest, most of us would accept that a bad boss is a little bit like a bad father or a bad husband… you find he tends to do more good than harm. He might be a bad boss but at least he’s employing someone while he is, in fact, a boss.’

Sir Tone Abet, what have you done to relieve cost of living pressures? – Terry Johns

‘Well, you know, it’s very important to do the right thing by families and households and, as many of us know, women are particularly focused on the household budget and the repeal of the carbon tax means a $550-a-year benefit for the average family.’

I really want to do IT but am scared it’s too much of a man’s world. Why are there so many areas with big gaps? – Dani Joras

‘While I think men and women are equal, they are also different and I think it’s inevitable and I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all that we always have, say, more women doing things like physiotherapy and an enormous number of women simply doing housework.’

Mr Abbott, I keep getting guys cat-calling me and thinking it’s okay. Why do men do this?

*winks*

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