What is the French word for ‘exit’? A: Gauche
B: Entree
C: Droit
D: Sortie
Do you know it? Do you? Come on
a million bucks is on the line
I know it’s hard
I do
Just relax
Think about it
Take a breath
Hmm
I’m not proficient in French
Ugh
But it’s definitely not entree
Gauche sounds like something you put on a Bunsen burner
Is sortie even a French word? Oh, I don’t know
Maybe I should pass
No
Just do it
When in doubt, lock in C
Right? OK
‘C: Droit’? Lock it in? Yes
This was my exact thought process as I stared directly into the cryptic face of Melbourne landmark Eddie McGuire
Hundreds of eyes gazed down on me
Searing spotlights were aimed in my direction
A massive TV screen hung above, projecting my terrified face to the crowd, and soon, the whole of Australia
I don’t like being the centre of attention
I’m not a fan of high pressure situations
So why the hell was I a contestant on Millionaire: Hot Seat? It had been a long day
From the moment I arrived wearily at Docklands studios at about eight in the morning, my day consisted of a lot of waiting around
As a contestant on the sixth and final episode being filmed that day, it’s safe to say my anxiety levels were peaking for a probably unhealthy amount of time
My sweat had ruined the carefully spiked tufts of hair I had spent all morning perfecting by the time it was my turn
Meeting the other contestants on the day, I have to give credit to the producers for finding 36 utterly unique people
Everybody was of different ages, different backgrounds and different ways of life, some of whom had travelled from other states just to be there
As the token young uni student, I was put in an episode with a fraud investigator, a couple of grandparents and a ballroom dancer
Nice
I sat in the green room all day, watching the hordes of contestants gradually diminish as their episodes were filmed, and money was excitedly given or tragically snatched away
Their relieved faces only made my nerves rise faster, and my hair flop unwittingly
By the time my episode finally rolled around it was about five in the afternoon, and my anxiety had been replaced with exhaustion and a desperate need for coffee
I, along with the dozens of contestants, producers and audience members (even McGuire himself), were eager to get it over with
For those who are desperate to discover some juicy secrets about the inner workings of Hot Seat, I’m afraid there isn’t much to give away
All I can really tell you is that the set is miniscule
And the hot seat is a lot taller than I expected
So after a thin layer of foundation was smeared across my face, and NO product was given to fix my hair (I will not get over this!), it was time to rock and roll
Most of it was a blur
Something about all those lights and cameras and cartoon fuses and casual Collingwood references really stressed me out to the point of memory lapse
I know I gave the thumbs-up in the obligatory contestant intro
Why? I know I made a few gags about internet passwords
And I definitely remember Eddie getting my name wrong
(Dude, it is literally written in front of you!) For the record, I did not call Eddie ‘dude’
But it’s everything else that terrifies me when I finally see it on TV
Was I even smiling? What do I sound like? What did I say? How did my goddamn hair look? But looking back, I am quite proud of my efforts
I managed to get two answers correct, before bombing out on that French question
(It was ‘D’ for those of you playing at home
Who knew?) And seeing as it was a pretty tough question for the $4,000 mark, I see it as something of an honourable failure
But I did ruin the chance of anyone else winning the elusive million
Sorry, guys
And with that I attempted another lame joke, shook Eddie’s hand and walked off the set to a half-enthused applause, forbidden to ever return
The testing and audition process had stretched on for more than a year, and after all that waiting and preparing, I was out of the studio faster than the make-up people would touch up Eddie’s face
So now I wait eagerly/anxiously for the airing date
Sure I walked away still worth less than the tie Eddie was wearing, but it’s the experience and thrill of being involved in a game show institution such as this, and the lifelong friends I met that really made it all worthwhile
Ha! Just kidding
I really wanted to win some damn money
Jayden Masciulli
